I had a scare. Well correction, I had a minor scare and in my mind it got big.
Just before Christmas I had a small red-ish bump appear on my forehead. I actually thought one of the kids had scratch me. But it never went away.
So super paranoid I thought I should get it checked and of course the doctor wanted to do a biopsy. At this point I am trying to remain level headed. “Lets not get worried or freak out until we know exactly what it is” and then I begin the “What ever will be will be”, “If this is what God has planned for me, I will tackle it head on.”
By the time I get the call that the doctor wants to see me to “discuss” the results – its full melt down mode. And just to give you an indication on how well I do melt down mode, I got extremely good grades in drama!
Tears in the shower, mental drafting of letters to the kids and bargaining with the “big man” for more time. See – drama queen! But what was really reeling through my head was why I ever put myself at risk to begin with. The amount of times I sunbaked as a teenager or got red-roar sunburnt camping (see my 20 year old lobster self below on the right – not that you needed me to tell you which one I am – you could see me from space) all because I thought I needed to be tanned. I could blame the Jennifer Hawkins’ of the world or every bikini clad bronzed beauty for making my teenage self believe that you needed to have a tan to be considered attractive but really I blame myself.
I blame myself for believing that lie and letting people get away with still making me feel like it isn’t ok to be pale. I still have people coming up to me and pointing out that I have white legs (just incase I didn’t notice!). Like that’s more socially acceptable than pointing out someone has a big nose? Who does that!
Why don’t you just use fake tan they ask (and more often than not I already do have some on – I am just that pale). Aside from the fact that I can never really get a good fake tan, what really irks me is the idea that my pale legs are not ok (sad face).That the way I was created isn’t ok. It makes me not want to wear shorts or dresses. I have found myself putting on jeans even though I know its going to be 35 degrees that day.
As a society (and particularly Australian society) I think we have been conditioned to believe that we have to be tan to look “ok”. I am 30 and I still don’t feel confident when I get my legs out, I can imagine how teenage girls (and guys) now feel when they are constantly bombarded with images of tanned beauties. In the age of the selfie, they are being told even more so about how they are “supposed” to look.
I really, really hope that my “tears-in the shower, bargaining with God, drama-queen pale self” can pass some wisdom on my pasty friends when I say – a tan so isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth the danger to your health but more than that, it isn’t worth not being the package you were created to be! You are perfect the way you are and do not let anyone else make you feel like the way you look is not ok. Spread the word that pale is ok – #keepitpale.
P.S Doing a happy dance that said bump is a carcinoma and not a melanoma. I have to have it removed which isn’t an epic deal but I now have to be uber careful and see a dermatologist regularly.